Thursday, October 8, 2009

What's been happening?

It's been a while since my last post. Well I actually can't say a while when it's over a month I left this blog abandoned. Haha. Somehow I'm bad at managing my time, I barely had my time to write down my thoughts.

So what's been happening to me. What's on my mind. What's been crushing my world or coloring it. I might say A LOT. Yes, truckloads of things happened in a very short time.

First issue. FRIENDSHIP.
I miss my girls, Karin, Gaga , Ajeng, Dora, and Erin.
Karin, she has left to UK. Continuing her study. Oh how jealous I am! But I'm pretty sure, I turn is about to come. I really have to work my ass off searching for scholarships.
Gaga and Dora, they must be working on their final project. Their struggling to finish the study and get their bachelor degree. You can do it girls!! Can't wait to see you both on your graduation day.
Ajeng. Hmm.. Fixing her broken heart I assumed. Sigh. I just can't get it. Why on earth does she always has to experienced bad things in her love life. And leaving her in her worst nightmare. Being left behind for no reason.
Erin. Almost lost track of her. Busy working I guess. Uhhh.. I miss gossiping with her.
I really miss my girls. Miss them a lot. I need a day together with them and talk about everything.

I had this one major thing in my friendship. No. This is not about me and my girls. We're doing just fine. This is about me and another friend. I happen to can't understand what's up with us. How come we went from really close friends like a thumb and the index finger (such a worse metaphor) into a complete strangers. We stopped texting each other. Not to mention phoning each other. It just happened. Snap! Just like that. I'm sad of it. I just can't really tell what happened, because I really don't know. Sigh! I need to fix this real soon.

Second issue. FAMILY.
Gosh! I miss my brother so much. We haven't meet in a while. I think it's almost a month. We usually go out and hang somewhere once or twice a month. It's just a simple brother sister outing. But I really like it. Sharing stories. Asking advice. He's the one I ran to anytime I got a problem.

Third issue. LOVE.
Yeap, love. I recently just gotten into a relationship. A happy one I could say. Why? Because apparentely all we do is laugh, laugh and laugh. We love because we laugh. How good is that? Really thankfull for it. Buuutttt.... I had a new problem. And the problem isss.. maintaining the relationship itself. Finding the one we really care about is such a hard thing to do, and believe me, maintaining it is million billion zillion times harder. I am once again learning. I am learning to be patient. To put my ego as low as the ground we step on everyday. To understands. To know. Gosh. There's a lot to learn in one relationship..

Okay, what's else? Humm.. I think its just that.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Songs leads us to old memories

I've been siting practically almost all day long in front of my laptop. With Itunes plays some random music from my library. And so, at this late night, it suddenly played a song. Velvet, a song by A-ha. It reminds me much of someone.

Yes, I admit. I miss that person. I miss the good great wonderful moments we’ve spent. While singing along, somehow. Memories starts running in my head. This and that. Here and there. Stories we tell, jokes we made.

Everyone have their own faourite songs. And realize it or not, there’s always a reason for you to love that particular song. There’s always a reason why you hate so much the other song. Because every songs reminds us to something. Every song plays a big role in our life, and gave a big influence to us in remembering all the memories.

For every moments made, we always slips a song or two in it. Another time when we listen the song, it’s like having a movie played back in our mind. Flashbacks running around inside our brain. Random thoughts, small hopes, little wishes, whispers from our mouth without we realized it.

Some will cry, some will laugh, but we will always miss the moments. Some will say “I don’t want to experience it ever again.” And others will say “It was a great time back then, lets do it again sometimes.”

Go put on your playlist, your song that is filled with stories. The happy one, the sad one. The story of your life. Go and shower yourself with every moments that had been made.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Even a mouth should behave properly

I had a big problem in keeping my mouth shut. Don’t take it as in “she can’t keep secrets” way. I do can keep secrets. What I hardly could do is, keeping the sharp as a sword talking, for myself. I always failed to speak up to a person without being sarcastic once I don’t like the person or I’m dissapointed on the condition of what’s been planned.

This happened yesterday. A few friends of mine had this plan to go out and play. We’re in the state of not-in-a-good-mood. Plus we had nothing to do yesterday. So strikes an idea to go somewhere. I’ve been asking several times for the plan. It’s not that I don’t like it to be impulsive, but somehow I like it when I know where we’re about to go or when we’re gonna took off.

Finally, after bunch and bunch of SMSes. I got the latest news. Happy to hear the news, I mean, finally…… But sad as well. Why? Because it doesn’t fits me.The time just doesn’t fit well with my screwy policy theory. I had some problem going home late at night. Somehow mom usually go mad if I did.
So I, let my words flew easily from my mouth. Saying words I want to say. Improperly. I just say I can’t do this, I can’t do that. If it’s going to be like this, I think I’ll pass.

So stupiddd…… Why? Because I should’ve known that my words could kill. It could hurt others feeling. While I should’ve given a thought that this isn’t just about me. It’s about other people too. It’s a group plan. Not an individual one. Others priority should have been thought about too.

After I talk, blabbered all my complain. I regret it all. I said to myself, “what a fool! They had planned everything, and you ruined it. Everyone’s in a bad mood, and you make it even worse”. So I took my cellphone, type something and sent it to the person I complained to. I said “I’m sorry for misbehaving, and making your mood worse.” The replied came in saying “It’s okay. It’s not your fault” doesn’t relief me at all. Why? Because I know for sure. It’s hard to say it’s okay for something like this.

I hate myself. Yes, I really do. Because of the stupid unethical habit. Saying without thinking. It hurts other, and it hurts myself too knowing others are offended.

See? Even a mouth should behave properly. Start thinking something before saying anything. Because sometimes, words could kill.

* Truly sorry my dear friends. I promise I'll make it up to you guys. Love you! *

Sunday, August 9, 2009

A knowledgeable man

I like to have nice conversation with a man that teach me something,
makes me mad,
makes me curious.
Then I find him attractive.
Somehow, this quote reminds me to a person. He once said, "A man should be a woman's walking encyclopedia. By all means, he has to know more things than the woman."
We had this conversation in his car. I forgot what leads us to this. But, I remember clearly of his saying. It sticks well on my mind. It teaches me much on how I suppose to see from a guy. It also brings me into this thinking, where I realize that I always hates when a man doesn't understand what I am talking about. When they don't know if i asked something to them. Or even worse, they don't have any clue what I am talking about.

A man really do need to have a wide range of knowledge. A guy must be knowledgeable. It helps us, girls, woman, to see that you are interesting. You know stuffs we only know a little or even we don't know. But don't you ever dare yourself to use all your cleverness to fool us. We may seems easy to be fooled, but the truth, we don't. We use our brain better than you thought we do. We believe our intuition greater than you ever think we do.

-- Kakak Raymond, thanks a lot for the ride along, the conversation, and the great advices. Really thankful for it! --

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Stop denying and start believing your gut.

Denial has an interesting and insidious side effect. For all the peace of mind, deniers think they get by saying it isn't so, the fall they take when victimized is far, far greater than that of those who accept possibility. Denial is a save-now-pay-later scheme, a contract written entirely in small print, for in the long run, the denying person knows the truth on some level, and it causes a constant low-grade anxiety. Millions of people suffer the anxiety, and denial keeps them from taking action that could reduce the risks (and the worry).

From Gavin de Becker's book, "The Gift of Fear"
One day, a bad feeling came out of the blue. Strikes you without warning. Something without warning bears on you mind. What will you do? I bet you're going to deny it and says "nothing bad is gonna happen, everything will be just fine". Yes, I do it too.

We, normally, tend to calm ourselves. Trying hard to ease away the heavy weight on our mind. While we actually knows for sure, that something bad is going to happen.

Well, sometimes we're just afraid of the fact that we know some badness is coming towards us. While if we just try to believe our own intuition, our own gut, we may reduce the big pain we're about to take. We'll be more prepared facing whatever it's about to come.

Putting a little trust, faith and belief in ourselves doesn't hurt. Start listening to your own gut, and this time, everything really gonna be OK.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Everyone needs someone

Name one person in the whole wide world who don't need someone. I bet you can't. We all need someone, to help us get through what we experienced. Whether it's good or bad. Whether it's happiness or sadness. Whether it's something ridiculous or something we're very proud of. Somehow we just need to share it with somebody.

Sometimes we don’t need them to say anything while we tell them what happened. We simply just need them to stick around and listen. And at the other time, we just don’t want to talk about it, but we need their attention to encourage us just by saying “take it easy, Dear. Everything will be just fine.”

Simple things like that shows how much you care. It’s not that hard to do. It doesn’t need all your finest effort. It doesn’t need all your brain matters. It only needs your warm heart.

All you need to do is being there. While it doesn’t always means physically be near us. Making sure we’re doing just fine sometimes is just perfect. Asking a simple question as “How was your day?”, makes us believe that you always put us in your mind.

Seeing the fact that we all need someone, and being someone is not that hard, why can’t you be one?

Thursday, August 6, 2009


Saya, kamu, siapa sih yang gak pernah terlambat. Entahlah terlambat masuk kuliah, terlambat datang ke janji temu, terlambat apapun. Semua orang pernah sekali atau dua kali terlambat.

Tapi bukan terlambat itu yang menginspirasi saya untuk menulis malam ini.

Malam ini saya sedang menjelajahi memori-memori yang tersimpan dengan baik di otak. Saya putar ulang, saya nikmati semua cerita yang merangkai memori itu. Baik indah ataupun buruk. Saya selipkan khayalan-khayalan singkat. Seandainya waktu itu begini, seandainya waktu itu begitu. Kalau waktu itu saya begini, jadinya mungkin sekarang begini. Kalau aja saya waktu itu ga begitu, pasti sekarang gak seperti ini keadaannya.

Saat kenangan manis dan pahit berlari-lari dalam benak. Terlintas, mengapa harus begini ya keadaannya? Seandainya aja saya lebih cepat bertindak, atau, kejadian tersebut terjadi lebih cepat. Tapi sesungguhnya, seandainya semua terjadi pada waktu yang kita harapkan, keadaannya mungkin belum tentu seindah yang kita bayangkan. Akhir cerita yang sama mungkin saja terjadi. Bahkan lebih buruk pun mungkin terjadi.

Dari semua memori yang sedang diputar ulang itu. Saya sadar sesuatu. Semuanya sudah terlambat. Kenapa? Karena sudah terjadi. Dan tidak bisa diapa-apakan lagi.

Menyesal? Tidak boleh. Bersyukur? Sudah seharusnya. Karena tanpa semua yang sudah terjadi, kita gak akan belajar sesuatu. Kita gak akan dapet pengalaman. Kita gak akan mengerti bahwa terkadang keadaan tidak berjalan seperti yang kita harapkan atau kita impikan.

Saya belajar banyak dari yang sudah terjadi. Meski gak saya pungkiri juga bahwa saya masih sering memutar kembali kenangan lama, dan berkhayal ini dan itu. Tapi saya belajar menerima kenyataan aja. Saya belajar bahwa percuma saya kebanyakan mengkhayalkan sesuatu yang sebenarnya sudah lewat. Saya jadi tidak bisa melangkah kedepan. Saya stuck di satu tempat yang sama. Dan terbuai dalam mimpi.

Sekarang saatnya saya untuk melangkah lagi. Kembali maju. Karena, tidak pernah ada kata terlambat untuk kembali memulai.

Time and Date


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