birthdays

Boyfriend's birthday is coming up in several days. Been so excited for the last 2 weeks.

I'm so into birthdays. Birthday greetings, presents, surprises, the pranks. Everything!

Why do I love everything about birthday? In my very own opinion, through birthday we sometimes could see how much people cares.
The way they pray for us, the time they spend to find the perfect gift, the arrangement of the surprise, the effort to make the birthday boy/girl sooo happy on their day.
If you don't care much to the person, why spending time and money to all those? You know the answer.
Yes, exactly. You care a lot about them. It's why you're willing to do all that.
And the simplest of all, remembering the date of birthday itself shows you care.

I like picking presents. Though I'm not that good. Choosing the right one, the very perfect one is never easy.
Is this the one s/he likes? Is this what s/he needs? Will s/he love the one I choose. Thinking about it drives me crazy. Though I still want to do it. Because I want them to be happy the second the open the present. And then keeping it, and be happy for it for the rest of their lifes.

Another thing I like is birthday greetings. Cards, the cute one, the funny one with jokes, or just a simple words formed into great sentences which came out from the heart.

I just want the person I care about had a very amazing blasting birthday to be remembered forever.

Happy birthday for anyone who's celebrating it today! Have a blast guys! it's your day... :)

On the way home.

Hitting the road. Bus driver flooring the gas pedal. Bus runs on the highway. As they're chasing each others. Bus and bus, trucks and trucks, cars and cars.

Dark clouds shroud. Thunders and lightning. Rain pouring heavily. Drops on the window pane. As they're trying to break in.

Me. Sitting here. Brain begins to work. Fingers tapping on keypad.

Me want to sleep

Late nite monologue. Sleep deprived talk. Brain freezed blabber.
Sun will shine in hours. Yet still awake. Lack of sleep. But still fighting to stay awake.
When will this end? When will i get my chance to get in touch with bed? When will i can hug my baby blooster. When will i go swimmingg in my dreams.

What's been happening?

It's been a while since my last post. Well I actually can't say a while when it's over a month I left this blog abandoned. Haha. Somehow I'm bad at managing my time, I barely had my time to write down my thoughts.

So what's been happening to me. What's on my mind. What's been crushing my world or coloring it. I might say A LOT. Yes, truckloads of things happened in a very short time.

First issue. FRIENDSHIP.
I miss my girls, Karin, Gaga , Ajeng, Dora, and Erin.
Karin, she has left to UK. Continuing her study. Oh how jealous I am! But I'm pretty sure, I turn is about to come. I really have to work my ass off searching for scholarships.
Gaga and Dora, they must be working on their final project. Their struggling to finish the study and get their bachelor degree. You can do it girls!! Can't wait to see you both on your graduation day.
Ajeng. Hmm.. Fixing her broken heart I assumed. Sigh. I just can't get it. Why on earth does she always has to experienced bad things in her love life. And leaving her in her worst nightmare. Being left behind for no reason.
Erin. Almost lost track of her. Busy working I guess. Uhhh.. I miss gossiping with her.
I really miss my girls. Miss them a lot. I need a day together with them and talk about everything.

I had this one major thing in my friendship. No. This is not about me and my girls. We're doing just fine. This is about me and another friend. I happen to can't understand what's up with us. How come we went from really close friends like a thumb and the index finger (such a worse metaphor) into a complete strangers. We stopped texting each other. Not to mention phoning each other. It just happened. Snap! Just like that. I'm sad of it. I just can't really tell what happened, because I really don't know. Sigh! I need to fix this real soon.

Second issue. FAMILY.
Gosh! I miss my brother so much. We haven't meet in a while. I think it's almost a month. We usually go out and hang somewhere once or twice a month. It's just a simple brother sister outing. But I really like it. Sharing stories. Asking advice. He's the one I ran to anytime I got a problem.

Third issue. LOVE.
Yeap, love. I recently just gotten into a relationship. A happy one I could say. Why? Because apparentely all we do is laugh, laugh and laugh. We love because we laugh. How good is that? Really thankfull for it. Buuutttt.... I had a new problem. And the problem isss.. maintaining the relationship itself. Finding the one we really care about is such a hard thing to do, and believe me, maintaining it is million billion zillion times harder. I am once again learning. I am learning to be patient. To put my ego as low as the ground we step on everyday. To understands. To know. Gosh. There's a lot to learn in one relationship..

Okay, what's else? Humm.. I think its just that.

Songs leads us to old memories

I've been siting practically almost all day long in front of my laptop. With Itunes plays some random music from my library. And so, at this late night, it suddenly played a song. Velvet, a song by A-ha. It reminds me much of someone.

Yes, I admit. I miss that person. I miss the good great wonderful moments we’ve spent. While singing along, somehow. Memories starts running in my head. This and that. Here and there. Stories we tell, jokes we made.

Everyone have their own faourite songs. And realize it or not, there’s always a reason for you to love that particular song. There’s always a reason why you hate so much the other song. Because every songs reminds us to something. Every song plays a big role in our life, and gave a big influence to us in remembering all the memories.

For every moments made, we always slips a song or two in it. Another time when we listen the song, it’s like having a movie played back in our mind. Flashbacks running around inside our brain. Random thoughts, small hopes, little wishes, whispers from our mouth without we realized it.

Some will cry, some will laugh, but we will always miss the moments. Some will say “I don’t want to experience it ever again.” And others will say “It was a great time back then, lets do it again sometimes.”

Go put on your playlist, your song that is filled with stories. The happy one, the sad one. The story of your life. Go and shower yourself with every moments that had been made.

Even a mouth should behave properly

I had a big problem in keeping my mouth shut. Don’t take it as in “she can’t keep secrets” way. I do can keep secrets. What I hardly could do is, keeping the sharp as a sword talking, for myself. I always failed to speak up to a person without being sarcastic once I don’t like the person or I’m dissapointed on the condition of what’s been planned.

This happened yesterday. A few friends of mine had this plan to go out and play. We’re in the state of not-in-a-good-mood. Plus we had nothing to do yesterday. So strikes an idea to go somewhere. I’ve been asking several times for the plan. It’s not that I don’t like it to be impulsive, but somehow I like it when I know where we’re about to go or when we’re gonna took off.

Finally, after bunch and bunch of SMSes. I got the latest news. Happy to hear the news, I mean, finally…… But sad as well. Why? Because it doesn’t fits me.The time just doesn’t fit well with my screwy policy theory. I had some problem going home late at night. Somehow mom usually go mad if I did.
So I, let my words flew easily from my mouth. Saying words I want to say. Improperly. I just say I can’t do this, I can’t do that. If it’s going to be like this, I think I’ll pass.

So stupiddd…… Why? Because I should’ve known that my words could kill. It could hurt others feeling. While I should’ve given a thought that this isn’t just about me. It’s about other people too. It’s a group plan. Not an individual one. Others priority should have been thought about too.

After I talk, blabbered all my complain. I regret it all. I said to myself, “what a fool! They had planned everything, and you ruined it. Everyone’s in a bad mood, and you make it even worse”. So I took my cellphone, type something and sent it to the person I complained to. I said “I’m sorry for misbehaving, and making your mood worse.” The replied came in saying “It’s okay. It’s not your fault” doesn’t relief me at all. Why? Because I know for sure. It’s hard to say it’s okay for something like this.

I hate myself. Yes, I really do. Because of the stupid unethical habit. Saying without thinking. It hurts other, and it hurts myself too knowing others are offended.

See? Even a mouth should behave properly. Start thinking something before saying anything. Because sometimes, words could kill.

* Truly sorry my dear friends. I promise I'll make it up to you guys. Love you! *

A knowledgeable man

I like to have nice conversation with a man that teach me something,
makes me mad,
makes me curious.
Then I find him attractive.

Somehow, this quote reminds me to a person. He once said, "A man should be a woman's walking encyclopedia. By all means, he has to know more things than the woman."
We had this conversation in his car. I forgot what leads us to this. But, I remember clearly of his saying. It sticks well on my mind. It teaches me much on how I suppose to see from a guy. It also brings me into this thinking, where I realize that I always hates when a man doesn't understand what I am talking about. When they don't know if i asked something to them. Or even worse, they don't have any clue what I am talking about.

A man really do need to have a wide range of knowledge. A guy must be knowledgeable. It helps us, girls, woman, to see that you are interesting. You know stuffs we only know a little or even we don't know. But don't you ever dare yourself to use all your cleverness to fool us. We may seems easy to be fooled, but the truth, we don't. We use our brain better than you thought we do. We believe our intuition greater than you ever think we do.

-- Kakak Raymond, thanks a lot for the ride along, the conversation, and the great advices. Really thankful for it! --